Dedicated to my Mom

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9th November 2014 is when the woman who meant so much to me took her last breath. So I have dedicated this blog to her. This amazing woman I got to call my mother.

My mother was one of a kind. She was bold, loud and boy when she walked into a room she commanded it and drew attention like nobody else I knew.

It was my mom and I from when I was very young a whole 18 months. We lived with my grandparents.

My mom was a rep for Matchbox toys and so when it came time for road trips I was taken along. Her and I roadtripping. She would sneak me into her hotel room and we would order room service. I don’t remember much of this time as I was young but she often told me about these times. There is a picture of me with curlers in my hair having a wee on the side of the road next to her blue car. Its such a cute picture.

My mom was the adventurous type and so decided that she needed a change and moved down to Amanzimtoti in Durban with my Aunt Nadine. So it was just the 3 of us jolling in Durban for a year or so. I’m sure that must have been such an adventure.

My mom met my step dad and I instantly fell in love with this man. He was a gentle giant and took me right under his wing like I was his own. The 3 of us spent a whole heap of time together and eventually moved into a flat in Winsor Park Johannesburg. I remember over running the bath and all the water flowing down the stairs in our flat and my mom not making a big fuss over it just laughed and we had to soak up the water with towels. We did so many things, saw so many things together. People couldn’t believe I wasn’t my step fathers child because he treated me so well.

We finally moved to a small holding in Midrand where I spent most of my childhood. It’s where my mom and dad got married, it’s where my baby sister was born, its were I learnt so much from my mom.

Not only was she an incredible mother but she was a free spirit. She really did live life to the fullest. She taught me about spirituality, I was taken to meditation circles, healing circles, church, Buddhist retreat centers, spiritual fairs where I had my aura drawn. We used to draw animal cards and angel cards.

We would have parties at our home and the music and dancing would go on till 3am the following morning. Who would be the last one dancing it would be my party animal mother.

Christmas time was a for everyone. We had both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, cousins. It was a day of being spoilt and a day that started early and finished off late with music and dancing.

My mother was the most giving person I know. She would do anything for anybody. She had the greatest compassion and greatest understanding of all things great and godly.

Not only did she have a big spirit she was the most beautiful woman I know. She had the thickest blonde hair, striking blue eyes and the biggest friendliest smile I have seen. She was always beautifully dressed.

The 4 of us moved to Durban and life turned and became a struggle financially. She did her very best to keep us a float and she did a great job. Yes even in those difficult years the brightness that my mother walked around with never dulled no matter how tough things were. She was one incredible person.

My sister and I yet again exposed to all different walks of life going to Hindu temples, mosques, healing and meditation circles.  We really learnt so much.

Life was not kind to my mom despite all the effort she put in. She had a laugh that would make someone else laugh. And she still managed to keep her sense of humour and if she found something funny oh boy she would giggle for hours over it. I remember watching Hangover with her and we laughed till our bellies ached and the tears rolled down our cheeks. And I think I laughed more at her laughing than at the movie.

The year before my mom got sick she would often complain that there felt like a truck was sitting on her chest. She got chest infection after chest infect towards the end of the year. My sister and I forced her to have a chest x-ray and that is when life took an unexpected turn.

Not for one moment did I ever think that I would lose my mom. In some sort of denial you believe that people will live forever. That they will never die. I wasn’t ready for my mom to go. I needed her more than ever this year. I had to do this year which was the hardest for me without the one person I so needed the most my mommy.

In true style when she shared her health news after having her biopsy she called a big family meeting and told everyone she had stage 3 lung cancer. My family almost recoiled into themselves. Some expressing their disbelief by asking how true the results were, some running out the room. I just sat there feeling numb. I had a feeling, I knew something wasn’t right before she even told us. I kicked into survival mode not allowing myself to fully absorb the severity of what we just heard.

the 7 months that followed were so difficult and she fought with all she had in her.

She certainly chose a day to leave this earth. Sunday during the day. She had my whole family with her when she passed on a beautiful summers day. I was holding her hand when she took her last breath. It was a beautiful passing. She looked so beautiful, calm and serene.

Today my heart aches just as much maybe even more than it did the day she left us. I long for our coffee dates, long chats even our arguments, I long for her Facebook message of “Hi Apple, love you, let’s do coffee”, I long for just 1 more hug, just 1 more moment with her just to tell her I love her.

Miss you mother dearest darling. You were my best friend, you were my everything.

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