And Life Continues…….

The morning of the 5th Annual Breast Cancer Fundraiser arrived and my nerves were through the roof. I had no idea when I walked through the door that I would be talking to so many ladies. 220 of them to be exact.

I was flanked by my husband and 2 of my very good friends Ali and Pauline. It was such a beautiful setting and the room was done up beautifully too. The lady that ran the event told me I would be speaking first and I was quite relieved about that.

When my name was called I felt my heart skip a beat. I stood at the podium and began to talk. I lost my place a few times but once I was over that things seems to flow a little better. I am not one to just stand up and talk on a whim so I had a speech prepared. I was relieved that my little jokes I made were laughed at and when it was all done I was happy that I had taken the leap of faith and done something like this. Completely out of my comfort zone.

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I was happy to share my story with as many people as possible and even if it impacts 1 person I will be happy. Creating awareness is so important to me now. If I had been a little more vigilant, if I had done the self breast examinations or insisted on the ultrasound I wanted when I was 30 perhaps things could have been a little different.

I suppose as cancer survivors there’s always those IF moments. Stages where we question if we had done things differently or found it earlier or or or the list can go on.

Just before I did my talk my Brave and beautiful photo’s were put up on the Pink Phoenix Cancer Foundation’s website and facebook:  http://www.pinkphoenix.co.za/pages/11953/candice-king

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Now that my main treatment is behind me there are days that I don’t think about the BIG C which is always nice for a change. But then I have an injection I have to have every month and the reality of the situation comes crashing down again.

I have had 2 zoladex injections so far not as bad as I was told but I did lather my stomach with loads of emla cream (this is a cream that numbs the skin). First time in my life I am happy about having a flabby stomach because on both occasions the onco nurse has said that its good I have a fat stomach. Nothing like a little honesty 🙂

Ive been on my tamoxifen for 2 months as well and so far I seem to be doing ok. I get the most awful hot flushes and can’t seem to keep myself out of the fridge which I suppose it not all that bad just got to keep exercising.

We leave for our overseas holiday in a months time. 3 weeks in Europe and I cannot wait. It has been something we booked in January and its been that something that I have kept my eye on while going through all the horrible treatment. The light at the end of the tunnel. I do believe you need something like that.

Life has pretty much picked up where it was left off and so its great to have that normality back and great to have days where I’m not consumed by the Cancer thing. I do hope that one day I will have more non thinking cancer days than thinking ones. I have my first 3 month check up at the end of November which I am a little anxious for. I am also having a CT scan so I can be 100% sure that I am all good. Given the thumbs up. All of this is nerve wrecking but I know in my heart I am healed.

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Dedicated to my Mom

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9th November 2014 is when the woman who meant so much to me took her last breath. So I have dedicated this blog to her. This amazing woman I got to call my mother.

My mother was one of a kind. She was bold, loud and boy when she walked into a room she commanded it and drew attention like nobody else I knew.

It was my mom and I from when I was very young a whole 18 months. We lived with my grandparents.

My mom was a rep for Matchbox toys and so when it came time for road trips I was taken along. Her and I roadtripping. She would sneak me into her hotel room and we would order room service. I don’t remember much of this time as I was young but she often told me about these times. There is a picture of me with curlers in my hair having a wee on the side of the road next to her blue car. Its such a cute picture.

My mom was the adventurous type and so decided that she needed a change and moved down to Amanzimtoti in Durban with my Aunt Nadine. So it was just the 3 of us jolling in Durban for a year or so. I’m sure that must have been such an adventure.

My mom met my step dad and I instantly fell in love with this man. He was a gentle giant and took me right under his wing like I was his own. The 3 of us spent a whole heap of time together and eventually moved into a flat in Winsor Park Johannesburg. I remember over running the bath and all the water flowing down the stairs in our flat and my mom not making a big fuss over it just laughed and we had to soak up the water with towels. We did so many things, saw so many things together. People couldn’t believe I wasn’t my step fathers child because he treated me so well.

We finally moved to a small holding in Midrand where I spent most of my childhood. It’s where my mom and dad got married, it’s where my baby sister was born, its were I learnt so much from my mom.

Not only was she an incredible mother but she was a free spirit. She really did live life to the fullest. She taught me about spirituality, I was taken to meditation circles, healing circles, church, Buddhist retreat centers, spiritual fairs where I had my aura drawn. We used to draw animal cards and angel cards.

We would have parties at our home and the music and dancing would go on till 3am the following morning. Who would be the last one dancing it would be my party animal mother.

Christmas time was a for everyone. We had both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, cousins. It was a day of being spoilt and a day that started early and finished off late with music and dancing.

My mother was the most giving person I know. She would do anything for anybody. She had the greatest compassion and greatest understanding of all things great and godly.

Not only did she have a big spirit she was the most beautiful woman I know. She had the thickest blonde hair, striking blue eyes and the biggest friendliest smile I have seen. She was always beautifully dressed.

The 4 of us moved to Durban and life turned and became a struggle financially. She did her very best to keep us a float and she did a great job. Yes even in those difficult years the brightness that my mother walked around with never dulled no matter how tough things were. She was one incredible person.

My sister and I yet again exposed to all different walks of life going to Hindu temples, mosques, healing and meditation circles.  We really learnt so much.

Life was not kind to my mom despite all the effort she put in. She had a laugh that would make someone else laugh. And she still managed to keep her sense of humour and if she found something funny oh boy she would giggle for hours over it. I remember watching Hangover with her and we laughed till our bellies ached and the tears rolled down our cheeks. And I think I laughed more at her laughing than at the movie.

The year before my mom got sick she would often complain that there felt like a truck was sitting on her chest. She got chest infection after chest infect towards the end of the year. My sister and I forced her to have a chest x-ray and that is when life took an unexpected turn.

Not for one moment did I ever think that I would lose my mom. In some sort of denial you believe that people will live forever. That they will never die. I wasn’t ready for my mom to go. I needed her more than ever this year. I had to do this year which was the hardest for me without the one person I so needed the most my mommy.

In true style when she shared her health news after having her biopsy she called a big family meeting and told everyone she had stage 3 lung cancer. My family almost recoiled into themselves. Some expressing their disbelief by asking how true the results were, some running out the room. I just sat there feeling numb. I had a feeling, I knew something wasn’t right before she even told us. I kicked into survival mode not allowing myself to fully absorb the severity of what we just heard.

the 7 months that followed were so difficult and she fought with all she had in her.

She certainly chose a day to leave this earth. Sunday during the day. She had my whole family with her when she passed on a beautiful summers day. I was holding her hand when she took her last breath. It was a beautiful passing. She looked so beautiful, calm and serene.

Today my heart aches just as much maybe even more than it did the day she left us. I long for our coffee dates, long chats even our arguments, I long for her Facebook message of “Hi Apple, love you, let’s do coffee”, I long for just 1 more hug, just 1 more moment with her just to tell her I love her.

Miss you mother dearest darling. You were my best friend, you were my everything.

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