I danced with the red devil and tango’ed with taxol and by some miracle managed to keep my eyelashes and eyebrows. I have been quite proud about this fact and often make sure I mention it when people ask me about hair falling out. It really funny how people ask actually “Um Cands did ALL your hair fall out EVERYWHERE” ha ha um well YES expect for my eyebrows and eyelashes of course.
But I wasn’t going to be the lucky one that got to keep her brows and lashes. As I started radiation I started feeling dangling lashes/brows and low and behold bit by bit these little buggars came out but the silver lining here is as they were falling out so they were growing back. So I now have 2 half brows and 3 or 4 long lashes left on each eye with little stumpy lashes pushing their way through. I went out to a party and tried to apply my mascara and there were little stubby eyelashes and I laughed myself silly as I was trying so desperately to make them long without poking the mascara brush into my eye but they were having non of it.
So all this hair loss including brows and lashes is quite challenging on a self confidence or self esteem level. It really pushes people to start really and truly loving themselves. No golden locks to straighten, or style, no eyebrows to tint, no lashes to make thicker or darker or longer just a bare face with straggly hair sticking out from your very white and bare skull and eyes that have no frame. To truly turn inwards and love yourself for who you are and not what you look like. Often during treatment and especially chemo you are so pale almost see through with dark rings under your eyes with no hair or brows and lashes and to look at yourself in the mirror is one of the hardest things to do. To see yourself like that it really does teach you to dig deep into that self esteem. And to drop judgement of your self and others.
I read something on another blog about eyebrows and I have to share this as it was so funny: http://cancercans.com/2015/05/18/an-ode-to-eyebrows/
AN ODE TO EYEBROWS
You divinely clustered tresses,
Forgive my past transgressions
With pointed tweezers and molten wax;
For every time I uprooted you so harshly.
Look beyond all my churlish cursing!
You were never too sparse, never too unruly.
You were beautiful!
You sleek, sweeping curves,
Forget about the times I queried your essentiality!
It is clear to see,
Of facial hairs, you reign supreme!
No beard, moustache or eyelash can compete
With your power to frame, to flatter
An otherwise pallid face.
I feel so bare,
I look so oddly undressed,
You graceful arches of expression,
Without your delicate form,
I cannot truly convey
My feelings to the world!
You are the adjunct to my speech:
A slow lift for bewilderment,
A deep furrow for rage,
A soft angle for scepticism,
Subtle expressions of my unsaid thoughts.
You delicate contours of thought,
I would give anything to have you
Festoon the bony ridge
Atop my eyes once more.
You’ve left me alone,
Exposed to gawps and stares.
There is no way to belie my illness,
Or feign my way to health
Now that you have jumped ship!
My bushy beauties!
Here are a few wacky looking shots of celebs without eyebrows to make you giggle:
Good for our souls to have a good old laugh and I found this so funny.
So the count down is on for radiation. I am halfway through and quite excited and scared about the end. I have requested that I have a final CT scan after all my treatment that when I have officially finished I know that as it stands that I am clear. I do really hope I am not that person that lives from follow up appointment to follow up appointment. I really do hope I can start living my “new normal” life and enjoying it all.