TATAS

I have become quite comfortable discussing my boobs (tatas), demonstrating over my shirt where they are radiating and how large my boob is. I do this so unconsciously because I have had so many doctors having a look, I have had to have them exposed during radiation and examined every week and by examined I mean poked and prodded; that they have really become something I am not shy about.

I don’t really realize this when I am talking to people and I can almost see them dart their eyes about the room as they are too embarrassed to look. ha ha sorry about that friends but all dignity was lost on my very first  biopsy.

I have a week left of radiation and when I look back at everything I have been through. Everything I have managed to survive I can’t actually believe it. When I was at the starting block of this very long and scary obstacle race I didn’t know how on earth I would get through it all but I have. I’ve done it. I’m on the flip side and more than anything ready to start living my life again.

As I have said before I often wonder how I will be but as I sit here typing this I know I am going to be great. I know I will be strong and will start living my life the way I am supposed to.

CAN WE JUST TAKE A MOMENT AND CHEERS TO THAT!!!!!!

CHEERS TO LIFE! CHEERS TO GRATITUDE, CHEERS TO LOVE! CHEERS TO LIVING FOR THE MOMENT! CHEERS FOR APPRECIATION!

So radiation has been going so well. Not so much of a walk in the park as I thought. My poor little tata is big and red and angry and oh so damn itchy. The worst part is you cant really get your nails in there and give it a good scratch. You run the risk of infection and skin break down. Oh yes lovely hey. I often joke that I am walking lob sided cause the one boob is bigger than the other. Actually a size I wouldn’t mind keeping if I could have both that way 🙂 wishful thinking. (without the big, angry, itch skin of course)

The doctor has been happy with everything and so the count down is on friends. 7 more treatments to go and I will kiss this cancer goodbye. Thanks for coming, thanks for the lessons, thanks for making me start appreciating more, thanks for teaching me to forgive, to let go anger but I am done with you and your lessons.

I held a tea for my Soul Sister support group. We hadn’t all met each other and it was so nice to put a face to a name. It was such a lovely morning. Great to discuss treatments, scans, cancers and how we all get through each day. We are uplifting, inspiriting and a bunch of beautiful woman.

My poor husband has got 5 years of grumpy menopausal wife at the age of 33. Shame poor man has to deal with a menopausal wife twice in his life. Because my cancer was ER+ and PR+ (estrogen & progesteron positive) I will have to go onto hormone therapy.

2 aspects of this: Zoladex injection for 2 years. What this does is stop the ovaries from producing estrogen basically putting me into a clinical menopause. This delightful process has side effects like hot flushes, weight gain, mood instability. Yay what fun!!! And then I will be on Tamoxifen for 5 years which is an antagonist of the estrogen receptor in breast tissue. This also has side affects of weight gain, mood instability, nausea. Oh great so I get a double wammy of menopausal side affect. Watch out here comes godzilla

Image result for godzilla

I get to celebrate my 34th birthday in a couple of days. I don’t know if its a getting older thing or a combination of the absolutely crap year I have had and the fact that it would be the first birthday without my mom but I haven’t been as excited. I love birthday and love celebrating them. We don’t just celebrate the day in my house its a whole weekend. Its not quite going to be the same without my mom phoning me and singing happy birthday over the phone and then there would have been a definite coffee date during the course of the day and flower, mother darling always bought me flowers. But we shall see on the day how it all goes for now I am bidding farewell to my 33rd year as it was the crappiest year ever: loosing my mom and being diagnosed just 3 weeks after tops my list of worst years EVER.

The thought of being over and done with all this treatment is exciting and scary all in the same breath but I’m not quite done as I will be on the endocrine therapy for 5 years but I suppose that it is easily managed in comparison the the aggressive treatment I have had.

So I am going to plan a BIG end of treatment party I think. For me it will be a fantastic way to send off the big C, celebrate my tatas (boobs) and a great way to celebrate the start of my new life. So party planning I shall begin 😉

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